Government Performance Contracting
E.S.P.C. Definitions ? ;-)
Contractor: An ESPC contractor is a gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal the cards.
RFP: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Low Bidder: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Program
Manager: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different
union and reads the music from a
different piece.
Energy Audit: An opportunity to discover how much the government lied, after its too
late to withdraw your bid.
Critical Path Method: A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA:
A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, red tape,
split
hairs and baloney; usually applied at
random with a cannon.
M&V:
The method used to discover that the government's staff has disconnected the
controls and mis-configured the plant
when you weren't looking.
Terms of Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Penalty Clause: A plan for convicting the innocent for crimes never committed.
Liquidated Damages: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Accountants: Ambulance drivers who require exact change.
Auditors: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
Lawyers: People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.
Politicians: People paid by the lawyers who make it all possible.